Republican Pollution

Republican Pollution

Since it is common knowledge that Republicans hate the environment (Mother Earth and Mother Jones are held with the same contempt.) they might as well just admit to it. Oh it’s true. Not only do they just not care about our surroundings, they want to destroy them. They hate the environment!

I have actually been able to infiltrate the RNC (Republicans are kNown Criminals) and have uncovered astonishing information.

It is required of all registered Republicans that they sign an oath, in blood, that they will do their utmost on a daily basis, “Kill or cause the imminent demise of at least one living thing per day.” Their words, not mine. How sick is that! Doesn’t seem like much of a platform to run on does it? Well they also have the fact that they “hate anyone who is not wealthy” going for them too…

While I was snooping around the RNC headquarters, I found a memo from Mitch McConnell to Sarah Palin that stated the purpose behind their love for the environmental destruction. Again I quote, “Once we destroy the environment to the point that human life is no longer possible without little personal climate bubble thingies, only the rich will be able to afford them, and we will be done with all of the poor vermin! MUHHHHAAAWAAAAA!!” unquote.  

Yeah, I know, I was stunned as well…

You’ll be pleased to know that I was able to smuggle out of the headquarters, their newest weapon in “Environmental Destruction”. These plans were directly underneath the memo, so I assume that this diabolical machine is a major part of their Earth Destruction plans.


Disclaimer: These are not actual photographs, they are merely artists' renditions of the machine.

 The POLLUTONATOR XL 600!!!

Now you may think that the beauty of this machine is that it consumes massive amounts of energy without providing any service whatsoever, but there’s more to this girl than meets the eye.

The Pollutonator XL 600 uses no filters of any kind! It spews it’s filthy smoke and carcinogens directly into the atmosphere. It spits out more filth than a drunken Rosanne Barr! It’s thick black cloud of destruction can actually be seen from space with the naked eye!

*(Not that we are actually going to have men in space anymore.)* 

Step aside Great Wall of China, America is in on this “seen from space with the naked eye” thing too! Don’t talk to me about Chinese innovation!

 And there’s more, much more!

The PollutonatorXL600 uses only the dirtiest coal, mined by slave labor from emaciated adolescents in a third world country! These are the same children that are smuggled into our country to feed the PollutonatorXL600. You will notice in the provided pictures above, that none of them are smiling... Every few minutes when one of these poor kids die, the Republicans toss them into this horrid machine.

This ingenious device not only pollutes the atmosphere, but all solid waste by-products are dumped directly into the Potomac River!

From this recent photo, it looks like the evil Republicans are right on track with their plan of Earth's Destruction!

So, as a Republican in good standing, what do you do on a daily basis to destroy our planet? 

Libs, what have you witnessed the evil ones doing?

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Stupidity Offsets ---The Cure For Global Hunger

I have found the cure for Global Hunger!

Yes, that’s right my friends, as of today, hunger is no more, you will never see another picture on an emaciated child from a Third World country!

Listen….there!…..did you hear it? That was the sound of the angelic realm breaking into Hallelujah Chorus…

Hunger on Earth Has ended!

Starvation is no more!

How did I, the under achiever, not used to achieving, manage to achieve this colossal achievement?

I simply looked to our government’s brilliant idea of Cap and Trade. 

Cap and Trade is the plan to reduce carbon dioxide…you remember carbon dioxide don’t you? It’s the green house gas that you pollute when you BREATHE.Whoa dude…your breath is killin’ me!

Now the libs have devised a conspiracy where you have to pay good money, depending on the amount of CO2 that you produce. This is a government plot as well as a private sector scheme.(think Al Gore)

http://www.carbonfund.org/ 

Here is the Cap And Trade story from a typical “I hate my country because God has blessed us, you should feel guilty because you are free and live in a capitalist society.” liberal standpoint. While the liberal bent is enough to make you either nauseous, or desire to go to a Woodstock Reunion, it does give a fairly simple breakdown of Cap and Trade.

http://www.storyofstuff.com/capandtrade/ 

Essentially, you don’t have to change you habits, as long as you pay $, and the end result is there is no change in our pollution output anyway.

Welllll… what does this have to do with me single handedly ending world wide hunger? I’m so glad you asked!  Here is my brainchild.

We’ll start with a new Fat Czar, I’m thinking Michael Moore would be over-qualified for this position. It’s a non-paid position, with compensation coming mainly in the form of Bacon Double Whoppers with Cheese. With THIS czar and THIS pay scale, it is projected that within three months our entire Defense Budget will be dwarfed by our new Fat Czar Budget.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Warning Fat Guy Alert))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

The Fat Czar will oversee the new bloated government bureaucracy entitled Federal Association for the Taxation of Slovenly Lard-butted Obese Beings, or simply....FAT SLOB.

  FATSLOB is the arm of the Nanny State that is charge of the individual’s eating habits. Since it is common knowledge that Americans are obese slugs that cannot even handle their own food consumption, FAT SLOB shall put a 2,000 calorie per day “CAP” on each individual. Yep, your first 2,000 calories each day are compliments your bloated U.S. government, all calories after that will be taxed. Oh yeah! The coffers of the Nanny State are gonna swell now! 

Here’s where we start solving worldwide hunger.

The Under Nourished will hold all countries of the world to obesity guidelines, but obviously since America is the fattest country on planet Earth, we will be the only ones held accountable.  All other countries will be issued exemptions.

But, here is the good news!  The starving children of the world will NOT have to pay a new tax on all of the excessive amounts of food that they do not eat! They can therefore keep all that money in their pockets to purchase food with.….ummmm okaaaay? Don’tcha think that if they would’ve  had money in their pockets, they would have just bought food in the first place, and thereby NOT been starving?

Wait a minute!

No starving people actually get fed??

 Hard working Americans just get a new tax, government swells, and bureaucracies get more bloated. Bleeding hearts get soothed, but nothing in the real world actually changes.

Yep, welcome to the Nanny State.

It’s the Liberal way!

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Stupidity Offsets

One of the most dim-witted ideas ever conceived in the mostly inactive brain of a liberal, is the idea of Carbon Offsets, to combat the non-existent problem of man-made Global Warming. Global Warming…. you remember, that myth incubated in the sparse gray matter of men such as Al Gore, and supported by the contrived evidence of pseudo-scientists. 

Carbon Dioxide has been labeled as a “Greenhouse Gas”. Some propose that CO2 is the greatest threat to the Earth as we know it.  

We are all responsible for producing Carbon Dioxide, everything we do involves it’s production, breathing, belching, flatulating, cooking, driving an automobile etc. 

If we go from our current emissions to zero right now, in about 460 years we will have ‘saved’ 1 °C of hypothetical warming.http://www.junkscience.com/Greenhouse/carbon.htm

Carbon Offsets are the liberals’ way of making you feel guilty, and then making money off you because of your despicable habit of breathing. 

Step 1. Make you feel guilty because you were blessed enough to be born in a country where you are a consumer. You should wallow in disgust because you drive an automobile, and have eaten at McDonalds.

Step 2. They measure the amount of carbon(in pounds) that you are responsible for creating. Shame on you for using commercially produced toilet paper!

Step 3. They want you to pay them x amount of dollars for each pound (of carbon, that is) that you are responsible for.

Step 4. They go to the bank with your money, while you keep producing the same amount of carbon, which does nothing to change your output, but makes them rich. (Wait a minute, maybe these libs aren’t as stupid as I first assumed!)

Step 5. The libs then baste in their smug satisfaction of having saved the planet, while individual carbon outputs are NOT actually altered in any way. 

Hmmm….if only there were a way to offset Stupidity…

Hey! I know! Let’s use their model, and see if it works to stem the oceanic tide of stupidity that flows today.

We will be doing quite a few posts dealing with Stupidity Offsets!

Check back often!

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