I have found the cure for Global Hunger!
Yes, that’s right my friends, as of today, hunger is no more, you will never see another picture on an emaciated child from a Third World country!
Listen….there!…..did you hear it? That was the sound of the angelic realm breaking into Hallelujah Chorus…
Hunger on Earth Has ended!
Starvation is no more!
How did I, the under achiever, not used to achieving, manage to achieve this colossal achievement?
I simply looked to our government’s brilliant idea of Cap and Trade.
Cap and Trade is the plan to reduce carbon dioxide…you remember carbon dioxide don’t you? It’s the green house gas that you pollute when you BREATHE.Whoa dude…your breath is killin’ me!
Now the libs have devised a conspiracy where you have to pay good money, depending on the amount of CO2 that you produce. This is a government plot as well as a private sector scheme.(think Al Gore)
Here is the Cap And Trade story from a typical “I hate my country because God has blessed us, you should feel guilty because you are free and live in a capitalist society.” liberal standpoint. While the liberal bent is enough to make you either nauseous, or desire to go to a Woodstock Reunion, it does give a fairly simple breakdown of Cap and Trade.
Essentially, you don’t have to change you habits, as long as you pay $, and the end result is there is no change in our pollution output anyway.
Welllll… what does this have to do with me single handedly ending world wide hunger? I’m so glad you asked! Here is my brainchild.
We’ll start with a new Fat Czar, I’m thinking Michael Moore would be over-qualified for this position. It’s a non-paid position, with compensation coming mainly in the form of Bacon Double Whoppers with Cheese. With THIS czar and THIS pay scale, it is projected that within three months our entire Defense Budget will be dwarfed by our new Fat Czar Budget.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((Warning Fat Guy Alert))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
The Fat Czar will oversee the new bloated government bureaucracy entitled Federal Association for the Taxation of Slovenly Lard-butted Obese Beings, or simply....FAT SLOB.
FATSLOB is the arm of the Nanny State that is charge of the individual’s eating habits. Since it is common knowledge that Americans are obese slugs that cannot even handle their own food consumption, FAT SLOB shall put a 2,000 calorie per day “CAP” on each individual. Yep, your first 2,000 calories each day are compliments your bloated U.S. government, all calories after that will be taxed. Oh yeah! The coffers of the Nanny State are gonna swell now!
Here’s where we start solving worldwide hunger.
The Under Nourished will hold all countries of the world to obesity guidelines, but obviously since America is the fattest country on planet Earth, we will be the only ones held accountable. All other countries will be issued exemptions.
But, here is the good news! The starving children of the world will NOT have to pay a new tax on all of the excessive amounts of food that they do not eat! They can therefore keep all that money in their pockets to purchase food with.….ummmm okaaaay? Don’tcha think that if they would’ve had money in their pockets, they would have just bought food in the first place, and thereby NOT been starving?
Wait a minute!
No starving people actually get fed??
Hard working Americans just get a new tax, government swells, and bureaucracies get more bloated. Bleeding hearts get soothed, but nothing in the real world actually changes.
Yep, welcome to the Nanny State.
It’s the Liberal way!