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Monday, November 22, 2010

Stupidity Offsets ---The Cure For Global Hunger

I have found the cure for Global Hunger!
Yes, that’s right my friends, as of today, hunger is no more, you will never see another picture on an emaciated child from a Third World country!
Listen….there!…..did you hear it? That was the sound of the angelic realm breaking into Hallelujah Chorus…
Hunger on Earth Has ended!
Starvation is no more!
How did I, the under achiever, not used to achieving, manage to achieve this colossal achievement?
I simply looked to our government’s brilliant idea of Cap and Trade. 
Cap and Trade is the plan to reduce carbon dioxide…you remember carbon dioxide don’t you? It’s the green house gas that you pollute when you BREATHE.Whoa dude…your breath is killin’ me!
Now the libs have devised a conspiracy where you have to pay good money, depending on the amount of CO2 that you produce. This is a government plot as well as a private sector scheme.(think Al Gore)

Here is the Cap And Trade story from a typical “I hate my country because God has blessed us, you should feel guilty because you are free and live in a capitalist society.” liberal standpoint. While the liberal bent is enough to make you either nauseous, or desire to go to a Woodstock Reunion, it does give a fairly simple breakdown of Cap and Trade.

Essentially, you don’t have to change you habits, as long as you pay $, and the end result is there is no change in our pollution output anyway.
Welllll… what does this have to do with me single handedly ending world wide hunger? I’m so glad you asked!  Here is my brainchild.
We’ll start with a new Fat Czar, I’m thinking Michael Moore would be over-qualified for this position. It’s a non-paid position, with compensation coming mainly in the form of Bacon Double Whoppers with Cheese. With THIS czar and THIS pay scale, it is projected that within three months our entire Defense Budget will be dwarfed by our new Fat Czar Budget.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Warning Fat Guy Alert))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

The Fat Czar will oversee the new bloated government bureaucracy entitled Federal Association for the Taxation of Slovenly Lard-butted Obese Beings, or simply....FAT SLOB.

  FATSLOB is the arm of the Nanny State that is charge of the individual’s eating habits. Since it is common knowledge that Americans are obese slugs that cannot even handle their own food consumption, FAT SLOB shall put a 2,000 calorie per day “CAP” on each individual. Yep, your first 2,000 calories each day are compliments your bloated U.S. government, all calories after that will be taxed. Oh yeah! The coffers of the Nanny State are gonna swell now! 
Here’s where we start solving worldwide hunger.
The Under Nourished will hold all countries of the world to obesity guidelines, but obviously since America is the fattest country on planet Earth, we will be the only ones held accountable.  All other countries will be issued exemptions.

But, here is the good news!  The starving children of the world will NOT have to pay a new tax on all of the excessive amounts of food that they do not eat! They can therefore keep all that money in their pockets to purchase food with.….ummmm okaaaay? Don’tcha think that if they would’ve  had money in their pockets, they would have just bought food in the first place, and thereby NOT been starving?

Wait a minute!
No starving people actually get fed??
 Hard working Americans just get a new tax, government swells, and bureaucracies get more bloated. Bleeding hearts get soothed, but nothing in the real world actually changes.
Yep, welcome to the Nanny State.
It’s the Liberal way!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Stupidity Offsets

One of the most dim-witted ideas ever conceived in the mostly inactive brain of a liberal, is the idea of Carbon Offsets, to combat the non-existent problem of man-made Global Warming. Global Warming…. you remember, that myth incubated in the sparse gray matter of men such as Al Gore, and supported by the contrived evidence of pseudo-scientists. 

Carbon Dioxide has been labeled as a “Greenhouse Gas”. Some propose that CO2 is the greatest threat to the Earth as we know it.  
We are all responsible for producing Carbon Dioxide, everything we do involves it’s production, breathing, belching, flatulating, cooking, driving an automobile etc. 
If we go from our current emissions to zero right now, in about 460 years we will have ‘saved’ 1 °C of hypothetical warming.http://www.junkscience.com/Greenhouse/carbon.htm
Carbon Offsets are the liberals’ way of making you feel guilty, and then making money off you because of your despicable habit of breathing. 
Step 1. Make you feel guilty because you were blessed enough to be born in a country where you are a consumer. You should wallow in disgust because you drive an automobile, and have eaten at McDonalds.
Step 2. They measure the amount of carbon(in pounds) that you are responsible for creating. Shame on you for using commercially produced toilet paper!
Step 3. They want you to pay them x amount of dollars for each pound (of carbon, that is) that you are responsible for.
Step 4. They go to the bank with your money, while you keep producing the same amount of carbon, which does nothing to change your output, but makes them rich. (Wait a minute, maybe these libs aren’t as stupid as I first assumed!)
Step 5. The libs then baste in their smug satisfaction of having saved the planet, while individual carbon outputs are NOT actually altered in any way. 
Hmmm….if only there were a way to offset Stupidity
Hey! I know! Let’s use their model, and see if it works to stem the oceanic tide of stupidity that flows today.
We will be doing quite a few posts dealing with Stupidity Offsets!
Check back often!

Let There Be Light

Liberal Stupidity
This blog was created to stand as memorial, nay, a Galactic Monument to the complete senselessness of the liberal mindset world wide.
We shall examine the liberal’s characterizations of conservatives, their idiocy, and shall interlace all this with Liberal amounts of Stupidity.